A Tiny Light at the End of the Way!

I have been really sick for about 6 weeks now. Only out of bed to go to the bathroom or the doctor. This week I have begun to feel better and today I feel the best I have felt in all this time. I have continued to pray and consider each of you. I have also prayed to God to give me a clue. I told you in the beginning I was impatient. Also, during that time I have also been thinking about a lot of other things.

Why do dogs and cat turn in a circle three times before they lay down? I have learned this answer over these past 6 weeks. When you get up to go to the bathroom and they you go back to get into bed you don’t want to have to be fighting to blankets, scooting up and down and rolling around in the blankets. If you turn around 3 -4 times you will see where to plant your bottom so the rest of you will be where you want it.

Still Asking, Am I Coming or Going?

When I started this I felt pretty good and would be up during the day doing pretty much anything I wanted.  These last 4-5 months have been different.  I don’t feel good, am tired all the time, nauseated most of the time, have had sores in my mouth and achy joints.  Food just doesn’t taste good.  Even my favorites.  If I didn’t know I had cancer I would think I had the flu.  You know when you go to bed for 2-3 days but then begin to feel better.  This is all from the new chemo drug I had to start because the old one was not working.

I am so tired that I am usually in bed about 18 hours a day and the other six are sitting.  My nausea makes me feel like I am going to throw up, which I have only done a few times.  I feel if I did throw up, I would feel better.  One of  the meds I was on not only caused me to gain 50 lbs in 4 weeks but also is deteriorating my muscles.  I am still not able to drive but with COVI 19 , there is no where to go.

Last week I went in for my appointment.  I was anxious for this appointment because I would find out my CT findings.  I had been told on the phone that it looks like the drug is working but there is something new on my spine and my liver.  I had lots of questions.  But when they were taking my BP I passed out and ended up in the ED for 12 hours waiting for a bed.  I was in the hospital for 2 days.  Bob, of course, stayed with me.  They say I was dehydrated, they’ve said that every time.  Also, Bob is now the water police.  He doesn’t want to sleep on that blow up mattress again.

However I feel, doesn’t change the mission God has given me.  Of course, I ask Him why He puts these obstacles in my way.  I know He has a reason.  

The Wilsons

The Wilsons lived next to us ever since we moved to Northville in 1984.  Their children are a little older than Bob and I but our kids and their grandkids did get to play together quite a bit.  Ron’s boys would come and stay with their grandparents quite a bit and the kids would play out in back.  Loretta was the kind of grandma who always had snacks, cookies and popsicles most of all.  She was always giving them out to the boys who were working so hard playing in the back, where our two yards joined.  The houses in our subdivision are all arranged around a commons area that has play modules, tennis courts, basketball courts and a shelter.  The boys could play for hours. 

The boys grew up and moved to different places and lost touch.  But we always stayed close to the Wilsons.  Two of the sweetest people you could ever meet.  As Chris grew up and was living at home, he would help them with their electronics, the yard and odd jobs around the house.  Loretta always wanted to pay him, but he wouldn’t take it.  Chris and Loretta came to an agreement that he would work for cookies.  Loretta made the best cookies in the world.  There was a steady stream of them coming to our house. 

About three years ago, right after they had returned from Florida, I fell down our stairs.  I knew my ankle was broken immediately.  I drug myself to my phone and called Mr. Wilson to see if he could drive me to the doctor.  He did and then he waited for me, almost 4 hours. 

As Loretta got older, I would make sure I stopped by their house every day.  Just to see how she was doing.  I loved visiting with her, even if it was for a few minutes.  When Chris died, she was very upset.  I could not help her because I couldn’t help myself.  We found out Mr. Wilson and Christopher had the same birthdate, October 19th.  That made us even closer.  Loretta’s health got worse and worse and she died a couple years ago.  I miss her very much, but she was so uncomfortable.  

I continued to see Mr. Wilson every day.  Sometimes for only 5 minutes.  We talked about everything and nothing.   Politics, sports, his family, what the neighbors were doing, and anything else we could dream up.  I started shopping for Mr. Wilson.  I went to the store two times a week and he would make a list.  About once a month I would go to Meijer’s, that was his favorite store.  I knew what he liked on most things but not bread.  I would buy bread that was too soft.  Mr. Wilson never held back.  He would tell you exactly what he was thinking.   I loved shopping for him.  3-4 bananas not too big, tomatoes on the vine – 3, Polar Blast Trident gum.  I knew what he usually ordered and kept around and would look before I went, I checked ice cream, oatmeal, lunch meat, etc.  I would always look for the things on sale.  I think I got fired from the bread buying.  He quit asking for it.  I think Scott would get that.  I would make small meals and take them over to him.  He would make pudding and we would eat it together.  We would talk about how to cook certain foods; Loretta did most of the cooking.  And we talked about overnight oatmeal.  Mr. Wilson is the one who taught me how to make it and who got me hooked on it. 

We loved to talk about sports from baseball, to hockey, to football (both professional and college) to auto racing.  We often would complain about how bad our Michigan teams were.  It was not rare for him to call me and remind me that there was a football game coming on.  Only problem was that he was a Pittsburg fan.  We loved to talk sports.  If Bob won at racing, Mr. Wilson would give him a bottle of wine they had been storing in their basement. 

A  couple times a week I would make small meals to take to Mr. Wilson.  When my grandkids were here, they would take it over to him.  Especially, Sullivan.  They loved taking things to him and I think he loved it, too.  He would always try to have a few candies for them when they came.  Sullivan even made a card for him, which was still  in his kitchen the last time I was there.  Sometimes Mr. Wilson would make pudding or chocolate pie and when I came over we would have some.  He was very proud of his chocolate pie. 

In the spring I would buy Mr. Wilson two red geraniums.  Loretta always had red geraniums in the backyard.  Mr. Wilson placed them by the front door, but they looked very nice there. 

Once in a while Mr. Wilson would fall and cut himself.  His skin was paper thin.  I would go over and bandage him up.  I also would send pictures to his kids so they could see what was going on. 

I began to visit him early afternoon.  So he would know it was me and he would not have to get out of his chair, I would ring the door bell once, knock twice, open the door and yell, “Hello, Mr. Wilson”. That way if he was sleeping I would wake him before I was standing over him. As I left, I would check his mail box and my mail box.  If there was not mail I would yell out, “No mail yet”.  When we would go away on vacation Mr. Wilson would pick up our mail and bring in our garbage cans as needed.  Even when I was there, Mr. Wilson would bring in my garbage cans.  We helped each other get through this life. 

The Wilsons were snowbirds and so were in Florida from about Thanksgiving to Easter.  Mr. Wilson left for Naples right after his birthday.  We gave each other a big hug.  I made him turn his head because it sounded like he was getting a cold.  He just kept telling me, “You get better.”  I told him I would, SO I have to.  

The cold I thought Mr. Wilson was getting was throat cancer.  He was diagnosed and was in treatments.  Mr.  Wilson died February 18, 2020.  He was 91 years old and I loved him.  I will miss him very much.  I know he did more for me than I ever did for him.  It was wonderful to go visit him each day.  I know he and Loretta are playing golf in heaven.  When I get to heaven he will know because I will yell out, “Hello, Mr. Wilson.”

I Hope This New Chemo Works

This new chemo is kicking my behind.  I think every side effect that they said it could have, I have it.  From tiredness, to sores in my mouth, to pain, to nausea and some vomiting and all the GI stuff.  I take one pill for the chemo and 5 pills for the side effects.  In the morning I have a list of things I need to get done and I am lucky if I accomplish one thing.  I am hoping to get a handle on these side effects and get more posting done.  I do listen to music and may post songs that speak to me.    

You’re my Family?

Did you ever look at your parents or family and say, how can I be related to them?  This can take on either a positive or negative connotation.  How were you so lucky to be put in this family or Oh, my goodness, there must have been a mix up at the hospital.  I think all of us have thought this at one time or another and both positively and negatively.  It just goes along with life.  Some days are good, and everyone thinks everything you say are the greatest words of wisdom they have ever heard and there are some days they are thinking, there must have been a mix up at the hospital.  What ever the reason we were put into a family, God had a plan. 

In working with kids over the years, there have been kids who were not in their biological birth parents’ family due to different reasons, divorce, foster care, adoption.  They would have lots of questions about why God would do this to them.  They didn’t have anything to do with the reason their life was a jumble.  At first, I had to think about it, since I did not have any of their experiences.  Then it came to me.

Jesus was adopted.  Joseph was not his biological father, but God placed Jesus in Mary and Joseph’s family.  It was all part of the plan.  It was not a mistake or after thought. 

The Bible is full of people whose family was not perfect or what we think of as perfect.  People make mistakes and submit to their weaknesses.  But we are children on God and thank goodness, HE FORGIVES. 

Remember the puzzle message from an earlier post.  The same is with our family.  God puts us in the family He wants us in.  He may have to borrow a piece from another puzzle but in the end His puzzle picture is perfect.  He would not and cannot create anything less than perfect.  We may not understand why our family background is as it is.  We are not as smart as God and we do not know His future plans for us.  We just must understand that the family He has given us, and our background has been hand crafted by Him and it is perfect to Him.  That does not mean it is easy, but He knew we were the one for the job.  Feel blessed to know that God hand picked your family and placed you in the center of it.  That may be part of your purpose, to minister to your family.  It may be their purpose to minister to you.  Only God knows. 

What about Moses?  If you do not know the whole story, look it up.  Moses would have a right to say to God….. Really!  But he didn’t and he stayed faithful and did wonderful works for God. 

Moses: Our background is not our destiny.  by One for Israel (Messianic Jews in Israel)

The take away message of the mystery of Moses’ parents could be this: No matter what your background, no matter what happened in your family, or even how it might have left its mark on you today, nothing can stop God’s wonderful plans for you! The sins of the fathers are NOT the sins of the children, and God is able to clean and heal us from everything in our past.

The people of Israel needed to hear this as a nation and need to hear it today: What your fathers have done does not need to limit God in what he can do with you today! No matter what has been done in the past, God is not only able to deliver you, but he can transform you into his vessels of deliverance for others.

As you think about and look at your family this week and enjoy Valentines Day, think about how and why God placed you in the middle of the family He did.  Why did He put all of your family members in the same family?  Know it was for a good reason and there is a plan there.  No matter who is ministering to whom, Love one another.  No matter what kind of family you are in stepfamily, nuclear family, adopted family, extended family, foster care family, know God has given you an opportunity with these people.  Embrace them, love them and build your bonds with them.  Pray about what your mission is.  God will answer.  Love to all.

“Oh My Soul” Story Behind the Song

Please listen to this testimony. This is my story and I think the story of many of us who face with a major disease. We hate admitting that we need help, that we are scared and that we need……. As God’s children we need to show our heart, be open to others loving us and praying for us AND we need to love others and pray for them.